51: A Human Trafficking Survivor Tells All

Narrator

How would you like to improve your health and keep your family safe? You're listening to that healthy home hacks podcast where we firmly believe enjoying optimal health shouldn't be a luxury. Healthy Home authorities and husband and wife team Ron and Lisa will help you create a home environment that will level up your health. It's time to hear from the experts. listen in on honest conversations and gain the best tips and advice. If you're ready to dive in and improve your well-being and increase your energy, you're in the right place. Alright, here are your hosts, Baubiologists, authors, media darlings, vicarious vegans and avocado aficionados, Ron and Lisa Beres.

Ron Beres

�Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.� -John Watson. Today's show is riveting. And while it isn't directly a healthy home hack, it's a life hack. Today's episode is about healthy living, caring for your community and being aware of the well-being of your neighbors, your children, your loved ones, and your surroundings. Today, we are discussing a highly sensitive but important topic human trafficking. Lisa and I recently attended a wedding in Cabo San Lucas. And while dining out we had the pleasure of meeting a vivacious woman named Tonya and her husband. They were dressed in bright yellow hues and don't contagious smiles. A regular couple with not a care in the world. Or so it seemed we didn't know her story at the time. It wasn't until we started texting her that we discovered the horror that today's guest Tonya Stafford had endured as a child riddled in trauma from sexual molestation, physical abuse, rape, and ultimately being sold by her own mother for drugs at the ripe age of 13.

Lisa Beres

Most of us are familiar with Nexium, a cult like group disguised as a personal and professional development training company or the founder kept women as sex prisoners to service him. These women were brainwashed and branded. And while that makes for a riveting Lifetime movie, human trafficking is real and isn't limited to Keith Raniere, the Hollywood elite, Harvey Weinstein or Jeffrey Epstein. In fact, human trafficking is a modern-day form of slavery, involving the illegal trade of people for exploitation or commercial gain. Every year, millions of men, women and children are trafficked in countries around the world, including the United States, a $32 billion annual industry. Human trafficking involves the transport or trade of people for the purpose of work. According to the UN, about 2.5 million people around the world are ensnared in the web of human trafficking at any given time. The top three nations of origin of trafficking victims are the United States, Mexico and the Philippines. Human trafficking impacts people of all backgrounds.

Ron Beres

According to the 2020 Global Report on Trafficking in Persons, victims are trafficked for sexual exploitation forced labor force criminal activity, coerced into begging into forced marriages, organ removal and other purposes. globally. One in every three victims affected is a child. Girls are mainly traffic for sexual exploitation, while men and boys are used for forced labor. Children are even trafficked into labor positions in textile, agriculture, and fishing industries. And 2019 62% of the victims in the US were identified as sex trafficking victims. 30% of global human trafficking victims are children.

Lisa Beres

That's right. And according to the United Nations, people of all genders, ages and backgrounds can become victims of this crime. Parents if you're listening Be aware that many children today are approached by traffickers on social media. In fact, the UN Office on Drugs and Crime has identified two types of strategies hunting involving a trafficker actively pursuing a victim typically on social media, and fishing when perpetrators post job advertisements and wait for potential victims to respond. Human trafficking is a hidden crime, as victims rarely come forward to seek help because of language barriers or fear. Traffickers may come from the same poor social and economic background as their victims or be successful business people offering victims better opportunities. They can appear a trustworthy and be friends or relatives even sometimes, even parents are involved. and trafficking their own children, which is what happened to our guests today. And she is going to share her riveting story in just a few minutes.

Ron Beres

Today, Tonya is a survivor, activist, humanitarian advocate, speaker, trainer and author. She has a degree in early childhood education, and is certified mediator or registered level trainer with the Texas early childhood professional development system. She's a two-term board member of Headstart of Greater Dallas, Texas Headstart Association, and Hs GED policy console. She has also been trained by Texas against sexual assault, her passion and focus remain to protect women, young girls and children. Today, Tonya inspires audiences to believe in themselves and remind them that the past does not determine your destiny. Tonya, welcome to the show. Thank you. Yeah. We're honored to have you, Tonya.

Tonya Stafford

Thank you, I'm honored to be here.

Lisa Beres

You are one brave woman; you are an incredible person. I'm so happy that our paths crossed in Mexico just a few short weeks ago, and that we have this opportunity to share with our listeners this so highly sensitive, highly important topic that is rarely talked about. And I know you've dedicated your life. And, I know our listeners are really going to love this. And it's going to change a lot of lives. And I'm looking forward to hearing from you and all the great things you're doing. But let's get started.

Ron Beres

Yeah, so let's get started. So, can you share more about your childhood, and how this all began, Tonya?

Tonya Stafford

So, my childhood and thank you for that introduction. Again. My childhood was really a childhood of didn't know any abuse, was saying with my grandmother, I was being raised by my grandmother and grandfather. My mom had always been on drugs. So, we only knew her come into visit, leaving at periods of time years. And so, my grandmother had custody of us, but not legal custody, but she was raising us. So, I had my foundation, which was my grandmother, she was a nurse or midwife. So, I wanted to be a nurse, I want to be a nurse after her role model there, right? With my foundation, she was really the epitome of our family. My mom was adopted as well. So, her background was not abused because she was adopted as a child as an infant. And when she grew up, she moved for her biological family, which her biological family was a family of they came from a background of trauma. We didn't know this because we really didn't know them. So, my mom went out there selling drugs. We always respected her like my grandmother told us, I was taught at a very young age, how to cook, how to clean how to calm the girl's hair, how to take care of my siblings, because I was the oldest girl and my brother is the oldest boy. And so, it was normal to our family to do the things that I was doing. She taught me everything. It was five doubles. It was possible. And we did what we needed to do. Yeah, Mama was amazing. She was amazing. I wanted to be like her than she was in delivering babies and all the above. So, I had a normal childhood. We went to school. We did everything my dad was around. So, I wasn't a fatherless child. I was actually my father was in our life. A bit to my mom came back. I was eight years old. And she told my grandmother that she got ourselves together. And she wanted her kids back. My grandmother had no legal rights to keep us. So, she fought against it. I really need to see that you got yourself together. I'm not just going to hand these kids over and she was like, Well, you can't keep them. Mom, you can�t keep them and so big mama was like, y'all have to go with our mom. We really didn't know her.

Lisa Beres

Yeah, cuz how old were you when you went to live with your grandma?

Tonya Stafford

We were infants. So, we were pretty much like her kids. She was in and out. We knew who she was, but we never stayed with her. Right. She would come for holidays she would eat and she would leave. That�s what drug addicts did and back in the 80s. It was the crack epidemic. So, we knew what was going on in our community. But we were sheltered from a lot of things in our community, with grandmother and grandfather. And so, when she got her say she got herself together, we had to go with her. We had to go. It was really scary because we really didn't know her but she had an apartment. Um, it was a big enough for all of us. It was called Dixon Circle. This was in Dallas, Texas. Right in the heart of Texas. Okay.

And I came from South Dallas, I came from a place called South Dallas on the southern sector. So those of your guests that might see this in the Texas area, they'll know exactly what I'm talking about. We went to that apartment. It was big enough for all of us. It was big enough for five children and my mom with four bedrooms. She had a bedroom. The boys had a bedroom. I ended up having a bedroom by myself and the other two girls had a bedroom because we were the girls. Nice place. It was really the one bathroom. But we were used to that.

Lisa Beres

The true test of the relationships.

Tonya Stafford

You know, I knew how to take care of everything. So, it wasn't a big deal. We got alone. And I remember, after getting settled in a few months later, she brought this man home. We didn't really know him. We didn't. He was a trucker. He was a trucker. And I remember that. I remember him saying he was over the road trucker. And she said that they were going to be together, they were going to get married. And we were like, huh, I was like, Whoa, you know, just on my grandmother say, always protect the girls. And so, she said we weren't going to see your father anymore. And was like, well, we want to see my dad, my brother shared the same dad. And the other children had their own dad. But my dad took care of all of us. And so, we weren't able to see our dad anymore. (How old were you at that moment, Tonya?). I was eight.

Lisa Beres

He didn't have any parental rights at that point? Or was just kind of a legal system and having to go through that?

Tonya Stafford

It was the legal system. And my dad has his own business. He had graduated college. My dad was very educated. So school was instilled in us. And my mom, she only had a sixth-grade education. So, I got my education from my grandmother, and my father's side. So, I was reading at a young age. So, I knew a lot. I had to help her a lot as well. Since she didn't, she only had a sixth-grade education. I had to read for her, I had to read. We went on the system. We didn't even know what the system was. We didn't even know what food stamps were, we didn't know what any kind of government assistance was because my grandmother took care of us. We didn't know anything about government assistance. And when she would go to the interviews, I would have to go with her and read and to comprehend. Because she told me I had to read what the understanding. You better explain everything that this paper says to me. So, I was reading big words. And yeah, I was reading legal forms. And I'm okay with that because I liked learning. I loved learning. So, it was like fun for me. Like that. It was fun for me. I was excited. I didn't understand really what was going on. So, after him moving in, right after him moving in, I was getting ready to turn nine years old. It was right before Thanksgiving. My birthday is either on Thanksgiving or after Thanksgiving.

Ron Beres

We're not going to forget that now, Tonya.

Tonya Stafford

I was a Thanksgiving baby. I remember the holidays coming up. And they did get married. And he said, I'm your new daddy and I was like, oh, hold on. I don't think this is good. You know. I was like, I don't think this is good. My first Christmas with her. It was really amazing because we never had a Christmas with her. We always had a Christmas with my grandmother. And we did get quite a few things and different things like that. And he bought those things. And my dad, we didn't get to see him.

But right after not too long after that the new year came, I remember him coming into my room. And he was like, you know, I'm checking to see, you know, if you�re still a virgin. I'm checking to see if you were still pure and different things like that. And so, I was like, Whoa, he's an adult. So, I didn't know any better. And I remember just being so violated, you know, our bodies react to anything that sexual because we are sexual beings. And I remember it wasn't right. It just wasn't right. And I remember him going into the other girl�s room. And they were way younger than I was. And I was thinking I had to protect them. So, what I did was move them into the room with me. Oh, that was with wow, you know what, I would stick the knife in the door. So, wow, man, man, he will beat the boys. I remember them just getting beatings all the time with extension cords. (So, he didn't beat the girls?). Now, he was just molesting them and violating them sexually.

Lisa Beres

And, your mom now at this time. Was she on drugs? Did you know?

Tonya Stafford

She was. Very heavily.

Lisa Beres

She was heavy on drugs. And so, she was kind of in denial? Do you think she knew that this was happening?

Tonya Stafford

She did. She did. She was working at one time. And I remember because she was doing really good. She was doing really, really good. We didn't have any problems. But she started disappearing at times. And I knew how to take care of the kids. So that wasn't a problem for me to take care of the kids. And I remember when she would disappear at a time. He was still coming in and out of the apartment, leaving us like vulnerable, right? And he was still coming. And I remember when she didn't come home for months. She didn't come home. I already knew what to do. I would wash our clothes on my hands and we had a washboard back then. And my grandmother had already taught me how to use the washboard. I thought, wow, well, I will hang them up.

Lisa Beres

All the clothes, no washing machine, you had to hand wash everything?

Tonya Stafford

When we would get to go to the laundromat, the neighbor downstairs would take me, but most of the time, I already knew what to do. Yeah, big momma had one a washboard, and we would hang the clothes outside on the line with clothes pins, so I was doing all that at early age. So, it wasn't a big deal to me. Remember, I have to get them up for school had to feed and we had plenty of food because we were on food stamps. Like I said, I didn't know about government assistance. But I knew when those food stamps came, we had to go to the store. I made friends with the neighbor�s downstairs. And so, she would take me to the store. I knew how to grocery shop. I knew how.

Lisa Beres

But you had to grow up so fast?

Tonya Stafford

Yeah, I could probably fried chicken better than anybody. I could cook greens and cornbread and stuff from scratch. I was doing all of that at an early age. I would take them to school. And then I will walk back up to the school that I was going to which was called Pearl Sanderson. And they were going to Joseph J Rhodes. And so, I would take them down there and then I would go back to school. And we will always meet at the crosswalk. I always told them, they walk up to the crosswalk, and then we would go home. And that's how we did it was like I walk them to school, make sure they go into school, going their classes, and then I walk out hurry back to school, so I wouldn't be late. I was a straight A student.

Ron Beres

You were groomed to be an angel, like an earth angel. You're taking care of all these people. Wow.

Lisa Beres

So, during this time, the stepfather, whatever we want to call him. Was he just MIA? I mean, he sounds like he wasn't doing anything productive at all.

Tonya Stafford

He was on the road driving; he would always come back. So, we would see him more than we would see her cuz she was out there. So, we would see him more than we would see her and I hated going home. We never knew when he was going to be there. And I was lucky. I was free. So, I would try to stay at school as long as I could. I knew the principal and the teachers; they knew something was wrong. But we weren't telling we just wasn't telling them because I didn't want them to get taken away. And then I didn't want to get taken away. And then we all be separated.

Lisa Beres

Okay, so that I want to highlight that because anybody who's listening that is going through something like this or know somebody that is that's probably a question that always comes up, why didn't you call the police or go to your grandma or because you had a fear and he probably put that fear in you right? That if you speak out, I'm going to take your little siblings away and you're going to be separated. So that's a real fear because that was your nucleus. That was your love. That was your home. That was your bubble.

Tonya Stafford

Yeah, so why didn't we call the police is because we were taught not to call the police Oh, okay. Ah, you don't call the police. You don't call CPS you don't call. What went on in that house stayed in that house in the black community. Okay, what do you see it and other communities, the white community, the Hispanic community, most of the time, you don't say anything because of that fear. Okay. I feared them being taken away. Because my mom would always say that, like, if you tell anybody or you say anything, I call you all the way and you�ll be separated. Man feared all of that. So, it wasn't any police call. And we just did what we had to do to survive. Yeah, my survival mechanism was, as long as they weren't hurt. And if he was going to do something to them, just do it to me. So, if the boys were going to get beat just beat me well, and he would. I remember him beating me with the extension cord and I would go to school, I wore long pants. So, it didn't bother me, as long as they were good. And they were able to sleep. And so, I would just take all of that, so they performed. I would will go to school, and I would fight. I fought all the time. I got in trouble. I got in trouble. I was like the boys.

Lisa Beres

Cuz you couldn�t fight him?

Tonya Stafford

I couldn�t fight him, so I would fight boys. You� could pay me to fight your fights because they give me their 50 cents and $1 to like the bullies and everything. And I didn't start anything but I didn't run away from anything either.

Ron Beres

To paint a picture, we met you, you're just like this glowing person, vibrant personality. So, kind. I had no idea that you're hardcore, tough person.

Tonya Stafford

I was a fighter. My principal, I remember. And he and I reconnected after 20 something years, but he would be so mad at me. He could paddle me. And back then they paddled.

Lisa Beres

Yes. I remember they did that in my elementary school.

Tonya Stafford

I could be paddled and be back in there 30 minutes later. And he'd be like, he always called me by my last name. My last name is Stafford Manning. And he would say, Stafford, I don't know what I'm going to do with you. And I was like, Okay, well, I'll be back later. He was like, don't you dare. I would just fight all the time. And so, he said, I know what I'm going to do with you. And I didn't understand that. Because I was just in the sixth grade. I was in sixth grade. I was like, I don't care what he's talking about. He can whoop me and I can be back in here. But he said, I'm putting you in choir.

Lisa Beres

Talk about a punishment.

Tonya Stafford

And I was like, Okay, I don't think she can handle me either. Her name was Miss Battle. And I remember when I first went in there, she just laid the rules down, she scared me more than anybody. And, she had those drumsticks and I was like, I am not going to mess with her. Cuz she would whoop your hands with those drumsticks. And she actually found me through web speaking because I talked about her and she reached out to me through social media. And she was like, I�m so proud of you. And, she's like don't be telling people that story. You can really be charged.

Now I'm in middle school. And we had people that were doing drugs and middle school. I remember somebody asking me to try something and they were just like she isn�t going to do nothing and she's going to waste our stuff.

Lisa Beres

They knew you had your standards.

Tonya Stafford

So, I didn't do anything. And I remember the perpetrator that she sold me to. I remember seeing him because we were latchkey kids. And there was this house that we used to go to all the time and her name was Tonya, her name was Tonya, too and she was older. She had a husband. I didn't even understand what that was but all I knew is that everybody was there.

Lisa Beres

She was the dealer that your mom was getting?

Tonya Stafford

No, she was just somewhere to go. She was just somewhere to go and I liked her.

Lisa Beres

Oh, okay. So, your mom would take you there?

Tonya Stafford

No, we would walk down there. If you can envision the projects the projects were a unit right here, a unit right here, a unit right here so a unit across the street and all through there was unit so there were all different routes to get there. And she stayed three or four units down.

Lisa Beres

Okay, like an apartment complex?

Tonya Stafford

A bunch of buildings called the projects because nobody comes in here. Oh, because, you know drugs were being sold, so they kind of go in and they go back out. And I remember when he started coming to Tonya's house, I never really paid attention because I was down there having fun. She would play cards with a she will let us play games. She had kids; she had a husband. I was just excited about people. And I remember her, I remembered something being said to the fact that she's just only 13 and never really thought about it. I just kept going, you know, playing and different things like that. And I remember being told that he had already scoped us out. Her knew my mom was on drugs, he knew that her husband was on drugs. And he started giving them money and drugs. He started giving him money and drugs. So, the transaction for me already taken place.

Lisa Beres

Oh, my gosh. So, this guy, do you think he lived in the neighborhood?

Tonya Stafford

I do because the first house took me to was five minutes away from where I was sold.

Lisa Beres

Okay, so to paint that story, that day that happened.

Tonya Stafford

I was down to Tonya's house. And I was playing and she cooked. And I remember they were serving us. It tasted like soda, tasted like soda. But I learned later it was two liter of some alcohol in it. It's some kind of alcohol that was in it. And I remember feeling really dizzy. I was like, I don't feel good. I just feel sick. Because they were just giving it to us. We thought it was. Everybody else has stopped drinking, but I liked soda. And I was like, okay, but I feel sick. I was feeling really sick. And I remember him saying you can't go out like that. You can't go home like that. And I was like, No.

Lisa Beres

This is the guy who you were sold to? Okay. And this was at the woman Tonya's house? Oh, okay. So, she�s in on this. She's in on this too?

Tonya Stafford

Yeah, I think she was I'm not sure how much she was. I never really saw her again. Okay, but I remember him saying you can't go home like this. Nobody else was. They had all kind of cleared out. So, there I am, and I remember him taking me upstairs. Because in a project you had an upstairs and a downstairs. And I remember just man, I don't think this is right. And I was a virgin. And I was telling him I'm a virgin. This is not right. And I remember him raping me. Oh, my God, so painful. And I was so in shock. I was in shock.

Lisa Beres

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, went through this.

Tonya Stafford

I remember getting up. And I went back down to our unit. And I went and I took a shower. And I was just throwing up a lot. Because I was sick from the alcohol and different things like that. So maybe about three or four months later, was like two months later, two months later, I'm really sick. I'm really, really sick. Like, I'm throwing up constantly, constantly. And I remember my mom, she was like, what is wrong with you? And I told her. I was like, the guy down there, he raped me. And she's like, don't say that. Don't you ever say that again? You�re just fast, you�re just being fast. And I was like, no, no, no, I didn't do anything. I had my clothes on, and he took my clothes off. And I explained everything to her. And then she was like, bitch, you�re pregnant.

Lisa Beres

Oh, and oh, my god.

Tonya Stafford

I was pregnant. And I didn't even know what pregnant was. I was just 13. And I remember like, what is pregnant? I was like, what is pregnant? You know, in my middle school, we hadn't got to that part. I remember just asking her, what is pregnant? She was like, you�re going to have a baby. And I was like, Well, how does that happen? You know, I'm asking questions now.

Lisa Beres

And it's your fault. I mean, that's victimization, right. It's, it's your fault. It's the victim�s fault.

Tonya Stafford

Somehow, I just I became to understand what pregnant was I became I became understand what was happening to my body. And then she told me that I was going to have the baby is going to be nine months and they hid the pregnancy. They took me to a private doctor. And I never forget his name was Dr. Mainerd, I'll never forget. I was so sick. I was so sick. And I remember they took me to a private hospital. I was in and out of school because I was so sick. Went to a private hospital and I delivered a six-pound three-ounce baby. He came to the hospital with no anesthesia. I turned 14 that summer and I was getting ready to turn 15 that November.

Lisa Beres

Oh, my goodness.

Tonya Stafford

I remember just the pain of that I was terrified. I was terrified. Labor was just unbearable. Oh my god. Yeah, I remember saying I'm going to get through this, I'm going to get through this and I had her fairly fast. And when I got done. I had her in an actual hospital. I got up, walked out after a few days. And then I healed a little bit. And then she told me, I remember going outside. And I was playing. Because I'm still a child. I was playing outside. And then I came in. And all of my stuff was packed at the door. I knew it was my stuff because of the baby stuff and my stuff. So, you couldn't miss I understand that that was my stuff. And then she said, bitch, you got to go. I was like, what did I do? Like, did I not clean the toilet good enough, did I not clean the kitchen?

Tonya Stafford

I cooked. I tried to remember to do everything. And the baby. And she said, bitch, you got to go. He had given her the last payment. I remember the car that he picked me up in it was a yellow Z28. And I just put in my mind, you�re either going to survive or you�re going to die and I chose to survive.

Ron Beres

You chose to thrive really, I mean, ultimately.

Lisa Beres

You�re protected. You had angels for sure watching over you.

Tonya Stafford

It was my grandmother. I remember getting in a car. And he slapped me. He slapped me. And he said, if you don't like that, you do what I tell you to when I tell you to do and how I tell you to do it. And you better not tell anybody where you are. And I said, okay, yeah. I didn't like getting hit because that's what her and her husband did. And I didn't like being called names because that's what her and her husband did. And I'll tell people when I was rescued, I had to look at my birth certificate, because I didn't know if my name was Tonya bitch or hoe. Oh, that's what she called me all the time. She never really called me by my name. She would call me by my middle name sometimes. Just call me bitch or hoe. You�re not going to be anything good for but having a lot of children.

Lisa Beres

Oh my gosh, was she like that with all the children?

Tonya Stafford

No, it was just me. Just really (because you were the oldest?). Mm hmm. Aggression was mostly toward me and the oldest boy, that was her aggression was toward us. And we have the same father.

Lisa Beres

Might have been toward him.

Tonya Stafford

Yeah. I said okay, I'll do whatever you tell me to do. I remember the first house that I went to. It was his grandmother's house. And she told me, don�t tell anybody. I was there. And she's like, if you tell anybody anything, they're going to take him to jail. And I can't have my grandson going to jail. I'm going to try my best to help you. But there's not much I can do to you just do what you're told to do.

Lisa Beres

Whoa, I mean, the parents in on it. That's crazy.

Tonya Stafford

So, I did. I did. I wouldn't talk to her much. I just focused on when he was letting me go to school. I just focused on getting through school. I was in eighth grade now. And I'm trying to get through school I'm trying to get through school.

Ron Beres

That was a thread that ran through everything that actually kept you sane, I imagine right? You're focused on, you're the straight A student in making sure you want to make it to the end. You can save your family; you can save yourself. It was so amazing that you actually came up with that and this young age is a stake in the ground just to get through.

Tonya Stafford

Oh, and I was going school. She would take me to school sometimes and I would ride the bus however I got there, I got there. And I was still making A�s. I'm still making A�s and B�s. I'm taking seven classes and one everything that I needed to do to all I wanted to do was finish school. I got through eighth grade. And I remember asking him and her if I could go to my eighth-grade prom not knowing that's going to be the last time I go to school.

Lisa Beres

Oh, you were living with him and the grandma, in the same house, his mom, or his grandma?

Tonya Stafford

Not his mom, his grandmother. He was raised by his grandmother and his dad, I guess. I just remember saying I won't tell anybody. And I'm here, I just want to go to the eighth-grade prom. I actually put that those pictures in my book, because those were the last two memories of going to school. And I got to go to the eighth-grade prom. And it was the most magical night that I could ever have imagined. Got to be a kid and I have pictures where I was in the eighth-grade prom, she actually bought the dress. And she said, you can't tell anybody you're here. You can't tell anybody you're here. And I remember him taking me drop me off at the front door. And he was trying to come in. And there was this teacher. I remember her, I have a picture with her. She told him grown people can't come in. I don't know if she knew. But they didn't let him in. I remember just having so much fun at night. That was going to be the last time that I see anybody. Oh, wow. And it was over. It was over.

Lisa Beres

School was your safe haven, right?

Tonya Stafford

And I got in that car. And I held on to those memories I held on for dear life. I just remembered everybody. I remembered everybody's name. I just remembered. And then I'm getting ready to go to the ninth grade. And then I'm pregnant again, pregnant with the second reason. And I say my reasons because they were my reasons for living. They were my reasons for no matter how they got here. Abortion wasn't even an option, because I was so young. And that wasn't going to happen. And it would raise too many red flags.

Lisa Beres

Now in school, people weren't suspicious when you were pregnant?

Tonya Stafford

They pulled me out. And after that, I didn't go back again. Because he said, they will ask too many questions that would be too much suspicion. So, I didn't get to go to school anymore. I remember half of my ninth-grade year because I had a great principal, Mr. Lewis. Dr. Lewis, I remember him. He always called me by my last name, Stafford and said, you're going to make it, you're going to make it. Just those deposits. I remember my English teacher. Her name was Miss English.

Lisa Beres

Her name was Miss English?

Ron Beres

You have a good memory, Tonya.

Tonya Stafford

Those are the words that I held on to.

Lisa Beres

Those little words, Tonya. I mean, were going to get into the work that you do today, but encouraging, those little words, just to a passer by somebody that you might suspect, right, is even having a bad day. You don't know their stories. I hope everybody remembers that. Give the smile to the stranger or give the encouraging word to somebody because hope. You're someone�s hope.

Tonya Stafford

Yeah. Never know when those little words could just mean to anybody. And I just went on holding on to those words, even in my darkest times. And I remember the second house, we moved out from with his grandmother and went to the second house. And then I was pregnant again. Not like maybe 6 or 7 months later. I wasn't even 18 years old. wasn't even 18 years old, three babies. I remember saying, Okay, you can make it through this too. And he was the biggest baby that I had. And I was probably about maybe 110 pounds. I was so tiny. And I remember just trying to make it through that pregnancy. Because it felt like I was going to die. He was so big. He would cut my breath off. He was just so big. He was an 8/13 and a half when he was born. That's a big baby. I was barely 18 years old. I wasn't even 18, I had him 10 days before my 18th birthday. And I had all my children in the hospital and nobody asked any questions.

Lisa Beres

Really? Wow. Nobody asked anything?

Tonya Stafford

He made all the medical decisions. He said I couldn't have any anesthesia. He said I couldn't have anything.

Lisa Beres

He didn't want to spend the money?

Tonya Stafford

He said that it would hurt the kids, so I couldn't have anything. So, when the nurse would ask me, ma'am, do you want anything? I was like, I'm not even a ma'am. I'm sitting up there thinking.

Lisa Beres

Yeah, your just baby yourself.

Tonya Stafford

Yeah, I'm not even 18 years old. He would just look at me. And I was like, no, because if I take anything, or if they give me anything, if I say anything, then he going to beat the hell out of me. And because, I tried to tell with my second son, I was at Parkland Hospital, and the doctor was like, what are you doing having all these kids? And I was like, Oh, I said nothing to him. Because he's going to go tell him that I told it. So just be quiet. Have this baby get my butt up and get out of here. (Did they think the guy was your boyfriend or your father?). They thought he was either my father uncle or somebody. So, no questions were asked.

Lisa Beres

How much older was he Do you know?

Tonya Stafford

I was 13 at the time, he was 26. He was 13 years older than me. Oh, wow. So, 17, just count from 17 plus 13. He was 30 years old. I remember just saying, I'll make it. And I'll tell people, it was the most painful time of my life, but always remember what my grandmother said, they can have your body but they can't have your mind. Don�t ever give anybody your mind. And he could do anything that he wanted to do to my body, but you can't have my mind. I will split from on end to the other. That was painful. I was always sitting in a tub because he will put me in a tub afterwards cuz I was taking it. But my mind always went somewhere else, during those painful times. And after I had that baby, I just said, I'll survive. I'll survive. I'll survive. I'll survive. And he moved us to Pleasant Grove, it�s a little suburb town. He moved me into a community that looks just like yours and mine. That's what traffickers do; perpetrators do. Mine is familiar trafficking. And I remember him saying, don�t you say nothing you don't talk to anybody or talk to the neighbors. No phones were in the house. I had no communication.

Lisa Beres

Right. No cell phones yet, right?

Tonya Stafford

No cell phones. It was beepers. We had beepers.

Lisa Beres

You're cut off from everybody. Right? You had nowhere to turn. And then you were pulled away to be isolated. Yeah. And just what traffickers do, they isolate.

Ron Beres

Did you see your siblings during this time and your kids? Do you see them see them at all?

Tonya Stafford

No, no, at all. No. Seeing them, no talking to them. After she sold me, she changed her number and moved out the project. So, I didn't have any idea where anybody was. I had no idea where anybody was. I didn't even know that my siblings were, one of my siblings was looking for me. And that was the baby boy.

And he would always tell me, I could kill you and get away with it. 10 years. That�s all I heard, I could kill you and get away with it. I'll bury you in the backyard. I'll tell them that you ran off with somebody else. And I believed him.

Lisa Beres

Maybe would have I mean, he's a monster. Yeah, he's an absolute monster.

Tonya Stafford

I was just asking myself. Does anybody see me? He took me to church. We went to church.

Lisa Beres

Oh, good lord. No pun intended.

Tonya Stafford

The part I'm getting into. I would tell them that he's raping me and beating me. And they told me, don�t you ever say that again? You should be glad somebody bought you.

Lisa Beres

What? Who told you that? The people in the church?

Tonya Stafford

The people at the church. I should have been glad he bought me. My own mama didn't want me. I should have been glad somebody bought me like him.

Lisa Beres

This is so crazy. It's like the system. Everyone's in on it. The hospital, the church. The school that turned a blind eye. It's so deep, right? This problem goes so deep. It's not one person. It's not one, it's the system. Everybody's protecting it.

Tonya Stafford

He beat the hell out of me that night. And I didn't say anything else. I was just doing what I was told to do. After that, the neighbor next door she was an older white lady. And I remember she passed away. And then I was like, she's not going to be able to help me. Cuz if she didn't see me, now she doesn�t. Am I ever going to get away from here? But I started preparing my mind that I was going to die in that situation.

Lisa Beres

Because now you had three kids, so it's not like you could have just, you're 18 you could have run away, or escaped but you�ve got these three kids. It wasn't like you could do that.

Tonya Stafford

Where was I going to go? My mind my was like, I had no money and I didn't want them to take my babies.

Ron Beres

That story came up again because you're protecting your siblings, now you had to protect your own kids.

Tonya Stafford

My babies, I breastfed them. I did everything that I could possibly do to make sure that they were safe? Yeah, I didn't let him get that close to them. Like I was their protector. I didn't care what he did to me. As long as you don't mess with them, I was okay. And he didn't. He just expected what he expected and that I clean, cook, serve him first. And that's what I did. As long as I did all of those things, I wouldn't get beat or I would just do what I need to, the rules were on the wall, the times that I need to get up.

Lisa Beres

He had rules on the wall?

Tonya Stafford

He had rules on the wall and my neighbor can actually testify to that. The rules were on the wall. She actually testified to that in court.

Lisa Beres

Oh my god. Please tell me this monster is in prison.

Tonya Stafford

I'm going to get today. This wonderful lady moved next door. He she was black. I just was like, okay, somebody next door that, she looks like me. Does she see me? I hope she hears me. But I can't talk to anybody. I cannot talk to anybody. You better not talk to anybody. You better shut up. And I will take the trash out. I will do everything that I'm supposed to do. I take the trash out. He taught me how to cut the yard. I did everything. And one day I forgot to take the trash out. And I remember when he was on his way, I was thinking I didn't really know what time it was. But I knew he was getting close to him to come home. I was trying to rush to take the trash out because I got busy with the kids. And I was reading to them and different things like that. But he came before I could take the trash out. And he beat me. He beat me. And I couldn't walk. That was a severe beating. And she said, our house was so close together.

Lisa Beres

She had to have heard right?

Tonya Stafford

She heard, and she said. I took the trash out the next day and I could barely walk and she'd always speak to me. She'd always say, Hey, good morning. How are you? Because I took the trash out the same morning, she would leave to go to work every morning at the same time. And that morning, she spoke to me. And she said, how are you? And I looked at her and like, this is your chance? She said, are you okay? And it�s like, no, I'm not okay. And I told her everything. I�m just going to take a chance here and she said, I can help you. I was like, do you see what he did to the house? Like, do you see what he did to me? Yeah, like, No, I can help you. And she said, how long have you been there? Like, I don't know. And she said, Where's your momma? No, she's the one that sold me. I have no idea, Ma'am. Where�s your siblings? Don�t you have any sisters or brothers? And I was like, I haven't seen them in. I don't know how. She said, Okay, I'm going to help you. And I trusted her that she was going to help, so I began to tell her what he was saying to me. And I told her I was like, come see the rules on the wall. She was looking, she's like, Oh, my God that this is what I have to do this every day. Every day I have to do this. If I don't, I'll get beat. I say but if I ever come up missing, I'm in the backyard. Like, that's what he told me. And if he kills me, my kids, I can lock them in this back room. And only I can lock them in and you can get them out. They won't be able to get out but you can get them out. And she's like, No, no, no, I'm not going to let you die here. I�m not going to let you die. So, she started devising a plan to get me out.

Lisa Beres

Oh my gosh, what an angel.

Tonya Stafford

You can�t just leave in a situation like that. You can't just leave.

Lisa Beres

You got to confide in her during the days while he was gone?

Tonya Stafford

I did and she asked me, she said, do you have an education? I'm like, No, he made me stop going to school at the ninth grade because I was pregnant. And she was like, Okay, we're going to get you back in school and I�m like, how�s she going to do this? But she had all planned out. She would take me to the GED classes. She would take me there before he got back, and I will be back every time before he got back. And when it came in the mail, she said. She took me to get my birth certificates and social. And so, I'm not checking the mail because he told me I can't check the mail. So, what I did, because she told me everything that comes in the mail, I need you to bring it to me and I'll keep it over here. So, he doesn't know I have any of it.

Lisa Beres

Wow, she was brave, too, because he could have killed her.

Tonya Stafford

Yeah. When it was time to go. I'll get all my stuff.

Lisa Beres

She helped you get your own birth certificate? Because you didn't have any identification?

Tonya Stafford

No, yeah. She took me to do all of that. Somehow, she talked people into a lot of stuff. Yeah. And I was shocked because she knew what to do. And I don't think she knew what to do, but she did it. Ah, she was like, I looked up to her. Like she was like my grandmother, my sister, my mother. She was just everything. So, I just remember telling her how much I loved her. Just remember that I loved her.

Lisa Beres

Oh my god. Wow.

Tonya Stafford

And she always said, if it gets bad, you throw something out the window or you get my attention. I'll call the police. So, the police had been there.

Lisa Beres

I was going to say, Yeah, that wasn't the first.

Tonya Stafford

It wasn't. They put me up on the domestic violence because it wasn't very recognized in the early 90s. They will make somebody leave and I couldn't tell them really what was going on? Yeah. And then he will come back. Yeah, I remember going this time out the church. I was trying to tell again. And I was I had gotten strength. Like, you're not going to keep doing this to me. And I don't care what these people say. He was like, Oh, I am. And I remember the pastor's wife, all these parishioners and the church folks. They had come to me and they sat me down. It was like he told us that he was going to kill you. Now they didn't report this. They just told me that he said he was going to kill me how he was going to kill me. He was going to strangle me with his bare hands. And the church lady said, but if it's meant for you to die by his hands, you will die by his hands.

Lisa Beres

These are the church people? Oh my god, you really didn't feel I mean, if it wasn't for this woman, you literally had nowhere to turn. That's crazy.

Tonya Stafford

I got back to the house. He left. And I told her, he told him he's going to kill me, I think is going to happen. She was saying no, no, no, no, I'm going to call the police if something happens. You come out the window, you throw something. Whatever you have to do to get my attention. That day was so chaotic. It was so chaotic. With so much noise. There's a lot of noise. And I remember the kids crying. He was yelling. It was just chaotic. And I was trying to drown him out, but not drown my kids out. And I told him I had to use the bathroom. I said, got to use the bathroom. And he said, I No, no, no, no, sorry. I went to the bathroom. And I had a shoe and I was throwing things out the window. And I got her attention. That Come, come, come, come just now.

Lisa Beres

Because he wasn't going to let you go to the bathroom. You knew, something was up?

Tonya Stafford

So, I left the window up. I'm making it up some more. And I was like, I don't want to leave my kids. I didn't put them up. They were screaming. They were crying. It was just noise and so much knowing. And she was motioning for me to come out. So, I was flushing a toilet. I'm running water and flushing the toilet. I'm running water. And I'm trying to go out the window. He hears me going out the window. He kicks the door in as I'm my legs are going out the window. He snatches me back in and he throws me into the hallway. I hit the wall. I'm done now. I'm just Yeah, done and the kids are screaming mommy, no mommy, mommy, mommy, please, please, please. And I saw, I'm bargaining with him now. I say, let me go put up the kids. And I'll come back and you can kill me, just not in front of them. And he said nope, you�re going to die in front of them. And he put his hands around my throat and lifted me up off. And I couldn't breathe. I couldn't breathe. I just couldn't breathe. And I'm trying to breathe and I'm trying to hit him get his hands around my throat, and I could hear the kids. And I was thinking, I just don't want to die in front of them. Not in front of them. I just don't want to die in front of them. And I slipped out of consciousness. When I came to. She was kneeling. My neighbor was kneeling beside me. That's the first time I had ever seen her cry. Never seen her cry, never seen her scared. And she kept calling my name. I could hear her, subconsciously. I heard Tonya. Tonya. Tonya, Tonya, Tonya, Tonya. And she has this really soft voice but a strong voice. And she kept calling me. She said, open your eyes. Tonya. Tonya. Tonya, open your eyes. Tonya, you don't get to die today. Not today, not today. And I could hear her. I can hear my kids. And I opened my eyes and she was crying. I was like, why are you crying? She just kept crying. And she says, Oh, God. Oh, God. And, I was like what happened? I was looking around. I'm trying to come to, she's trying to give me water. The kids are still crying. She has a gun.

Lisa Beres

Oh my god.

Tonya Stafford

I was like, what are you doing with a gun? Ah. She said, I was coming to help you. And I said, where�s he at? And she was like, he ran past me like he ran past her, he left. He thought I was dead. And I was like, Well, why don't you just shoot him on the way out the door? Because your kids will never forget the one that killed their dad. No matter how or why. But there's their dad. Yeah. And I do not want them to always remember. Yeah. and they already have enough trauma. So, police come, everybody's there. Ambulance arrived there. It was like next time you�ll come into a crime scene. So, you're leaving. I gathered as much as I could gather. She gave me all of my stuff and she said hold on to these. Don't give them to anybody. You'll be able to call me all the above. So, they took me to a safehouse in Dallas. Dallas took me to Irving transported me to New Tomorrow. It was called New tomorrow.

Lisa Beres

What a perfect name.

Tonya Stafford

Her name was Carol Little. We reconnected after 20 something years as well.

Lisa Beres

Oh, wow.

Tonya Stafford

And she looked like me. Now I remember seeing her afro and I was like, oh my gosh, that is like, so cool. Because my grandmother always kept me in an afro. She took me into the program. And they started preparing me for trial and lawyers. It went up on the domestic violence at the time (What happened to the kids?). They were with me.

Lisa Beres

Oh, they stayed in the safe house. Okay, nice.

Tonya Stafford

It was a safe location. And it was enough room for they put me and the three kids in the biggest room. And there was a bathroom right there, a washroom. Keep in mind, I hadn't bathed in weeks.

Lisa Beres

I didn't let your bathe?

Tonya Stafford

I was on punishment. I hadn't bathed in weeks and I would be able to bathe the kids and I would bathe them in a cooler. And I was just whatever I could do to clean them. I was in a cooler because yet the water shut off. So, my neighbor would let me get water from her house to bathe the children. So, there was a bathroom and then there was a washroom, and there was washer and dryer. And I was like, wow, oh my gosh, I was actually able to bathe them. I slept for days. I sat in the bath for hours. I was in heaven for a second. Then they came, they prepare me that I went into counseling, trauma informed care. Didn�t know it was called trauma informed care then, and I didn't get a chance to lie. I didn't get a chance to hide. I was 23 I was getting ready to turn 24.

Lisa Beres

So, you were with that monster for what, how many years? Ten years?

Tonya Stafford

Ten years. And I was preparing. They were preparing me. They told me what was going to happen. He got served. They actually found my mom. Everything. He had to respond because it was against him.

Lisa Beres

What is this group called? Just so people listening know the group that rescued you and took it to the safe house? I mean, it was the police but then they work with?

Tonya Stafford

Yeah, police did all that. The Dallas police took me to Irving. Irving transported me to New Tomorrow. And then she put me in therapy, group therapy. We just didn't get a chance to lie about nothing. They were so open. They were just telling everything. So, I didn't get a chance to say, be quiet. Don't say this. They were just�

Lisa Beres

Putting it all out there? It was a safe space for you.

Tonya Stafford

And so, I couldn't lie about nothing. I was in therapy. I was in intense therapy. And it was its approaching trial. Trial is approaching, trial is approaching. And I remember asking like, what's going to happen? Can anybody tell me what like, what's going to happen? They were trying to explain to me but again, I'm 23 I'm barely turning 24. It was October it was I remember it was because it was getting cold. It was raining. They transported me to court November. November, we were going back and forth. We were going back and forth to a lawyer's domestic violence. It was women against domestic violence. I'm asking questions like what's going to happen? Is he going to go to jail? My mom's going to go to jail. And all of this. You got to wait to get to trial. We get to trial. They took me to court. November 27 1996. I�ll never forget. I'm in court. My mom, they actually found my mom came to court with the church folk.

Lisa Beres

Oh, wow. On his side,

Ron Beres

You never mentioned this. Did he do drugs? Was he like a druggie as well or? No? No, he's just a mean person.

Lisa Beres

Evil, better word, evil, evil person.

Tonya Stafford

They were all in court. It was noisy, too. My brother, my baby brother, he was 18, getting ready to turn 19 at the time. He told me I've been looking for me for 10 years. He's like, I've been looking for you. I've been looking for; I've been searching for you. Nobody would tell me where you were. I've been all over South Dallas. I couldn't find you. My mom was there. He was there, the church folks were there. My neighbor was there. She had to come and testify about what she seen, what she did to help me.

Lisa Beres

Oh, your mom had to plead guilty?

Tonya Stafford

She came. I'm getting to that part. She came. Noisy. Everybody's making noise. The judge was like, Okay, I'm shutting this down. Who do you want stay in here? Everybody got to go. Everybody got to go. He put the church folks out. I told him I wanted my brother to stay and my neighbor to stay. So, they stayed, my mom stayed and him. And then he was able to call his witnesses and stuff. It was so noisy. I was kind of in la la land. I was cried out. I did not have any more tears to give. Cuz he would just torture me, stick me with pins. Safety pins. He said that was his way of trying to get me to flinch and stuff like that. I told the judge everything. Everybody's crying now. Everybody's crying. Oh, why everybody crying? I want everybody stop crying. So, my neighbor, I say why is everybody crying. The judge is crying, the lawyers are crying. My mom admitted to what she did. He admitted to buying me. Out in the open, everything was out. And she admitted that she was on drugs, all the above. The judge took a recess like what�s he's taking a recess for? He just needs to come and sentence them and I'm just I'm 24 that day. I'm 24 that day that day 11/27 1996, I was 24 years old.

Lisa Beres

Ah. In the court on your birthday. Wow.

Tonya Stafford

The judge comes back he says, I'm sorry. I am so sorry. The hospital system failed you, the school system failed you. Everybody failed you. Now, I have to fail. What�s he talking about. The statute of limitation ran out that day. If we were there two days before.

Lisa Beres

No. Oh my god.

Tonya Stafford

So, they walked out of court cheering. He was going to get him for statutory rape, neglecting a child, all the above. But November 27 1996, they issued protective orders, all protect the borders that he could possibly issue me, stuff was wrote down. I'm looking like, what are they talking about? My neighbor was crying and she was like, you don't understand what's going on, do you? And I was like, no. And she said, Tonya, nothing's going to happen.

Lisa Beres

Not even a slap on the hand? Nothing.

Tonya Stafford

I was like, what do you mean? She was like, what that means is they brought you to court too late. It was my 24th birthday. So, they went from 14 to 24, a 10-year window. (Was that their lawyers plan? No. How would they not know that?). It wasn't recognized. It wasn't caught. It wasn't caught. It just wasn't caught.

Ron Beres

But he still attacked you. And you passed out. Isn't there a penalty for that?

Lisa Beres

Rape? Rape, attacking, everything?

Tonya Stafford

Yeah. But the only thing he got was fined for court fees or something like that. He was also granted supervised visits. I remember just going out the court and I was numb. So, I was asking my neighbor. What do I do now? Like, what do I do now? I'm just 24. I'm in this situation. I don't know what I'm going to do. She said, you just go on with your life. God will help you; god will provide for you. I don't know. It was raining, it was my birthday. I was everywhere. And we were walking to her car. They were walking. I couldn't even drive.

Lisa Beres

You didn�t know how to drive?

Tonya Stafford

No, didn�t know how to drive. And I asked her to let me drive. She looked at me strange. Like, you don't even know how to drive. I drove you here. So, no. She said, Well, why do you want to drive? And I said, Well, I'm not going to tell you. And she said, Well, I'm not going to let you drive because you can't drive. I said, well can you do something for me? She was like, what is that? And I said, Well, he's going to walk across the street. Can we accidentally run him over? And she was like, Honey, we can't do that. I was like, it'd be an accident. She was like, No, we can't do that. Because like, what do I do? She said, you go on with your life, you raise your children, you raise your babies, you do the best that you can do. You be the best mother that you can be. You love your babies. And I'm going to be here every step of the way. I was like, well, that's not fair. Everybody's just walking away. Just happy. She said, God will get them one day. You never know, God will get them. And so, I just said, Okay. I got into a low-income apartment. I began to raise my children. And I was working odd jobs. I was working three jobs at a time take care of my babies. I said, Well, this isn't working out in I got into a relationship that ended up pregnant with my last daughter. And, when I say she was our little rainbow miracle child, because she wasn�t� supposed to be her. I just said you was fighting to be here. I asked, what do I know how to do best? Take her children. So, I opened up a daycare. A person taught me how to get my license for daycare. He was like you need to start charging to keep people�s children. I was like I can't do that; I'll just do it. I got licensed to open up a daycare. And I began to just take care of children. After that, I raised my children. They all graduated at the top of their classes. Honors. I was very proud of that. I was. They all graduated at the top of their classes. My son and he graduated, my first son, he went to the army. Navy, he went to the Navy. He's a veteran and he's married and he has my grandkids. And my oldest girl has three, two boys and one girl. And I waited until the last boy, my baby boy, because I have a baby boy and baby girl. And I waited until the baby boy graduated high school to start talking about my story. And I started It�s Going to Be Ok. This came about because I found myself helping abused women and children that was coming into play here.

Lisa Beres

Okay, so you saw this rampant in the area?

Tonya Stafford

I started the nonprofit and was like, well, what do I do now? I got a nonprofit. And my therapist at the time was encouraging me to speak out about my story. You�re telling me to tell these people my business?

Ron Beres

I know you are so brave Tonya, to go out there and just lay that story out.

Tonya Stafford

I told her she was crazy. What was my mama going say? What was everybody going to say? I'm telling everybody's business. Yeah. And I realized when I first started speaking out about my story that it was a lot of women that had a similar story. Okay, so they told me thank you for telling their story.

Lisa Beres

A huge hug to you and a huge hug to all the women and children and even men that are in a situation like this that there are people out there that care and that are doing things and that do want to help and maybe don't know how. We're going to get into that we're going to get into what you can do if you suspect something like we talked about simple things, helping a neighbor a reporting something suspicious, smiling if you think somebody's in harm's way. These angels along your path you see them the teacher, the music teacher, and the principal who got you in the choir and Carol Little, your neighbor, right?

Tonya Stafford

Carol Little was from New Tomorrow. Elnida Hamilton is my neighbor.

Lisa Beres

Elnida Hamilton! A big shout out to you, Elnida Hamilton.

Tonya Stafford

You can actually, there's pictures on my Instagram. And also, there's pictures in the documentary, Be the One, with her at the end of the documentary. I have a voice recording. They didn't get to put it in Be the One, but she told why she helped me.

Lisa Beres

Was she single by the way? Was she married? She was married. Okay, so her husband was like, you do what you got to do?

Tonya Stafford

He learned to love me through her. Yeah, I'm sure. I don't think he wanted her to do what she did for me. How can he learn to love me through her? Yeah. And he died a few years ago from liver cancer. And before he passed away, he adds to see me and my children. And we went one by one in the room. I wouldn't see him. And she called me and she said he wants to see you. He wants to see your children. Well, he passes. And I remember just saying I didn't want to see him like that. I didn't want to remember him like that. And he said, I went she said he doesn't look bad. Come and you know, he wants to see you. That's his request. He wants to see you and your babies. I went in, I let the keys go in first. And my son, my daughter's we went in and I was the last one to go in. He was at home. And he said she taught me how to love you. And I didn't know that at night, he would sit on the porch with his gun to make sure to get income and make sure that I wasn't harmed. He didn't sleep most nights. And I remember telling him that I loved him. Because he actually loved me like a father, love his children. And he said Don't you ever forget how special you are and how special you work? And he did. He told me he loved me. And I told her I told Elnida, when you get to come to the time, just call me and I'll come and he died a day before my birthday. He told her don't call me because it was my birthday. She called me after my birthday and I said why you didn't call me and she said he told me don't call you because it was your birthday. And I said okay, she taught him how to love me and she loved; she put her whole family's life on the line for me and my kids.

Lisa Beres

Did she have children, too, when she lived next door?

Tonya Stafford

She said I reminded her of her daughter, because she would want somebody to do it for her daughter.

Lisa Beres

Ah, thank God for her and that story.

Tonya Stafford

Everybody needs a she.

Lisa Beres

Yeah. See, oh my God, thank you so much for being so vulnerable to share the story. I�m trying to hold back the tears through this whole thing. It is a movie and it's like a movie but it was your life it was your story. It's not a Hollywood movie, although you do have a documentary. Can you tell us a little bit about that?

Tonya Stafford

Well, Be the One. I was approached by the Attorney General, he actually said people were looking for me, I thought I was in trouble. And they were interested in my story for training purposes, how trafficking can happen right next door to you. It can happen in your neighborhood, it�s familiar trafficking. And you have to, you know, be able to recognize it. And I said yes. I think that was my year of Yes. That and I said yes, and didn't really know what I was in for. And I remember filing, and they say we had to go to the house that I was kept in. And I didn't go on their street. Even after I was rescued, I wouldn't even really visit Elnida because she still stayed there.

Tonya Stafford

Yeah, he left. The house was ended up being empty for a long time. And she said she thought the house was possessed because nobody could stay in that house. She said people would move in and they�d move out.

Lisa Beres

Yeah, I think, I believe in energy. And everything has an energy and you can feel it. You can feel it in a home. You can feel it sometimes even in a city or town and music has energy. Conversations even. Yeah, everything. Colors, yeah. If you sense that. And that's your intuition to talking to you right, saying, hey, something's not right. You know, don't engage with that person who might seem like they're going to help but you know, you're getting a bad feeling in your stomach. So, I think tuning into our intuitions and really paying attention to that is something that especially in today's day and age, we just talked about at the top of the show, social media and kids being victim to predators.

Tonya Stafford

That�s why the documentary is to bring awareness and education to human trafficking and what human trafficking look like. It wasn't all ugly. I wasn't missing teeth. I wasn't on drugs or anything like that. So, they wanted to show, you know, there's myths about and what trafficking looks like, everybody's on drugs, everybody's drugged up, and it's just ugly. No, it looks like you and me. And when I said yes, but I didn't know that I had to go back to the house. And I did and that was a healing part, healing pathway for me as well. And then I after we filmed, I was contacted about housing the young lady in the documentary you seen with me. I was contacted to help her because she's young. And I said yes, but where am I going to put her? Then I said, well, I started operating out of an apartment, I housed her and some other ones. I had an apartment for almost two years. Nobody knew we were there. I started taking the victims and taking care of them and raising money to take care of them taking care of them out of my own pocket and doing things. And then maybe that second year, almost into that second year ended up getting a house for use by a church. Isn�t that ironic?

Lisa Beres

Yes, that�s ironic. A different a different church than the other one I take it. A real church.

Tonya Stafford

The real one. And they ended up yielding me the space to be able to in their children, more women, children. And I said yes, I was just like is, so I opened up the death save home to provide direct services, counseling, that was one thing that they had to do is go to counseling, intense trauma informed care, counseling, and they were all open to it. And so, we started providing the services that they need it and I knew what they needed, because I needed it, I had so I was able to relate to them. And I Elnida saying, I watch you all the time, and I didn't save to sit on it. So, you're doing what you were purposed to do. And that's why I did the documentary, Be the One, and I always tell people when they don't know about it, or they see it going, aren't you the one? I was like yes, I really am.

Lisa Beres

Congratulations on getting that documentary made it�s incredible. For listeners, Tonya's nonprofit is called it's such a beautiful name, It�s Going to Be Ok. And the acronym is IGTBOK? The website's www.IGTBOK.org. And head there now, because there's so much great stuff. There's so much great work that this nonprofit is doing to help trafficked victims, primarily children and women, right? And you can donate, you can get involved. And, actually tell our listeners some of the ways that they can help.

Tonya Stafford

We are always looking for volunteers.

Lisa Beres

Okay. In the Dallas, South Dallas area?

Tonya Stafford

In Dallas Fort Worth? All over the state. You might have other things that you could volunteer for. Like if you know how to redesign a website or if you know how to just fundraise online social media, there's always ways that everybody can do something. We're not limited to Dallas, we're everywhere. So, get involved, everywhere nationwide. And all the time funds are always needed. So, go give if you don't want to be directly involved, you can monetary get involved. We�re privately funded for the last seven years. So, foundations and corporate America individuals raise money for us to continue my work. All the work that I love doing, I rescue actively. I go out and rescue. I am actively participating in rescues. I sent you a screenshot last night of what we were dealing with, I am out here I'm in the trenches. I'll tell people I love the trenches.

Lisa Beres

And your husband, we met your husband in Mexico, and he seems like such a lovely man. You guys are so adorable together. And you were obviously doing this work. So, he's a supporter of that and it's involved at all.

Tonya Stafford

Yeah, he�, my biggest cheerleader I love John with everything in me because he supports everything that we do. He understands those three and four o'clock in the morning. He understands what I do. You know being out and I am always armed.

Lisa Beres

Oh good. You know how to use a gun. You�re taking your training. Where was I reading that? Maybe it was in one of your videos somewhere that women? Oh, no, I know who it was. It's a friend of mine who's a matchmaker. And she had a crazy experience of a guy randomly that she met that started threatening her turns out he had been doing this to lots of women. And she's like, ladies, take that gun training classes, know how to use and be comfortable, even self-defense. But let's be honest, if you're in a really dangerous situation, you know.

Tonya Stafford

You know, I don't go anywhere without fail with my gun. I'm very safe, though. And I appreciate John for loving me where I am and for who I am and what I do and how I do it is because this is my life. This is my life work. He's a veteran, as I mentioned before, and he's in corporate America. He works for the government and just an amazing husband.

Lisa Beres

I can tell just by looking at you. Oh, what a great ending because you're still you're on your journey of this beautiful work that you're doing. But like you found your Prince Charming. You found your path. He found you. He found you?

Lisa Beres

Oh, cute. That's a thing because I'd take Ron to swing classes with me when we're dating.

Ron Beres

Amazing what those guys will do, right?

Lisa Beres

I call it the wooing stage.

Tonya Stafford

Being a grandmother of five, five little people. They call me Granny. I don�t look like a granny, though, I know.

Lisa Beres

Well, you had your babies early. We know that. Wow. And you love your babies and you have full custody of your, obviously of your children.

Tonya Stafford

They�re grown now. They're 32, 31 and about to be 30 and 24.

Lisa Beres

Oh, wow. You're the youngest grandma ever.

Tonya Stafford

The grandma that doesn't go to the football games. I go to the volleyball.

Lisa Beres

I love it. So, and I want to tell our listeners too, about something really spectacular that you did. And that was you testified at the Texas State Senate hearing committee for human trafficking. And you got the state of Texas to recognize human trafficking or January as human trafficking month. And that's HB 2290. Right. That's the name of that. So, kudos to you.

Ron Beres

That's a big deal. That's very hard to do.

Tonya Stafford

I was the only survivor that testified and they passed it. I was supposed to have three minutes. And I was up there for I think 13 minutes. They were interested in my story and my neighbor. And they basically said, we're passing this bill because of you. And oh, my God. And then I went on to testify on other bills that just passed here recently. And I'm excited about those as well. It raises the limits, the age limit for sexually oriented businesses, which a lot of our girls are trafficked through that now that perpetrators can get more time in jail as well for buying them here in Texas. So, I've been doing a lot of that.

Lisa Beres

Are you talking about like escort services?

Tonya Stafford

No, strip clubs.

Lisa Beres

And, they buy the women through the strip clubs?

Tonya Stafford

And, they�re underage. We were able to testify on that and get that raise the limit instead of 18-21, it�s higher.

Lisa Beres

Right? I have a question for you. Do you think pornography plays a big part in why this is so rampant? Why is human trafficking such a problem? Like where do you think that comes from? From pop culture? Media? Messaging? Is it porn? Like what?

Tonya Stafford

Porn plays a part, but it's not a big part. What you have is how do you say it you have, like an addiction are attracted to children, like children are requested and then are requested for your sadistic things that you wouldn't ordinarily do to a partner or a wife or different things like that. So that plays a part. Porn is just a little bit. And people can always blame it just on porn is porn. Yes, a lot of underage girls are in traffic through porn. It goes deeper than that. It goes deeper than just oh, I'm going to sit up and watch porn. And I'm going to think about buying a girl boy or child. Sadistic is it's really sick.

Lisa Beres

It is very sick. It's very sick.

Tonya Stafford

The fetishes.

Lisa Beres

Mm hmm. And it's really utterly shocking, hearing your story and realizing, you know, you're right. The preconceived notions of when I thought of trafficking, I only thought of sex trafficking. I didn't think of these other trafficked children in these labor type things or even then, and I thought of I didn't think of what will look like a little husband wife situation with children, like your situation was. I don't if you were never married, right? But this, I'm sure people thought that was your husband.

Tonya Stafford

They did.

Lisa Beres

Oh, they made you marry him. Okay. So, like from the outside people thought, Oh, they're just having some marital problems. Yeah, yeah. Well, he's a bully or whatever.

Tonya Stafford

Before then it was, they thought that that was my husband. And I was just a baby. I was just a baby. And to cover up everything, I was told you got to marry him. Like there's no, yeah, the church. They actually that was a force. It was really a shotgun wedding. It was only a wedding. It wasn't even wedding. And it was just something that was done.

Ron Beres

Is that particular church still around, Tonya? It seemed like a bad influence.

Tonya Stafford

Not in that particular location. But I don't think so I think after everything happened to me, and it came out, they moved from that location. And I think it's a smaller place, but I don't think anybody's there or that particular pastor is not. He may be still pastor. I don't know.

Lisa Beres

Yeah, it's so sad. I mean, I mentioned at the top of the show, the Jeffrey Epstein and the Harvey Weinstein in that cult and these things that a lot of people are familiar with. Yes, there is a common thing. And yes, it's a common thing of isolating this person, isolating them on some cases it was an island or isolating from their family members, right? And then the control and then they verbal. I mean, it was every aspect of abuse, verbal, physical, sexual, mental, spiritual, right spiritual breakdown. And so, what would you say to people who don't believe it's a big problem in the US? I've actually heard people say that, Oh, no.

Tonya Stafford

Open your eyes is so high. It is happening right next door to you. It is happening in your neighborhood. This is an epidemic. This is a humanitarian issue. It's not just trafficking. It is a humanitarian issue. You�ve got to understand that it's right in your backyard. It's in the backyard. It's nowhere else, it's in your backyard.

Lisa Beres

Okay, so because people think oh, it's a low it's going to be a low-income neighborhood. You rescue women and children. You find them in every socio0economic class every level.

Tonya Stafford

Yes, ma'am. Isn't suburb in the low income, it's in the trenches. Everywhere. You are not exempt. I can go to a million-dollar home. And it is being you their girls are being trafficked. Girls, their children are missing. They call us to hell find their children on because we know how to find them. So no, it�s happening. Open your eyes is happening right next door to you. Yeah. You have so many missing boys and girls and women. And currently we have right now 75,000 black missing women and children and girls and indigenous women, children and girls. And that's just black and brown girls. Open your eyes. This is happening. This is happening. I just like it happened to me. It can happen to you. You are not exempt from trafficking. You can get snatched up really quick, if they follow you. And they see that you are pretty your subject matter to them, they can sell you. They can drug you up and sell you. They don�t care what you look like as long as you can function with being sold being sold. That's what happens.

Lisa Beres

Yeah, wow. I just interviewed a famous supermodel, Kathy Ireland, a couple podcasts ago and she said that it's very prevalent in the modeling industry. And that was decades ago that she was the �it� girl in modeling. So, she saw it in New York City. And speaking of for anyone listening, the top cities, according to the human trafficking statistics are Houston LA, New York, Washington, DC, Chicago, Las Vegas, Atlanta, Dallas, Miami. So, think about those big cities (Dallas is number two). What's the number one city? This was a 2018. California. LA probably Yeah. Or number one? Yeah, I was in a Las Vegas Airport last year or the year before. And I went to the restroom, and they have the signs on the back of the door in the bathroom. I never seen it before. If you are trafficked, call this number. In fact, I'm going to do a plug right now. If you are listening, and you have a tip or information relating to human trafficking, and would like to report it anonymously, please call the Human Trafficking Hotline. That number is 888-373-7888. And I will put that in the show notes. You can also find that on Tonya's nonprofit website, which is It�s Going to Be Ok, so you don't forget it. It's Going to Be Ok. And but it's actually IGTBOK.

Tonya Stafford

But yes, me. My baby.

Lisa Beres

All right. Well, this has been so incredible. I can't believe we've gotten on two hours. This is officially our longest podcast to date. I know. We could talk even more, but what would you like our listeners to take away from today's show? And I think you kind of said it. Be aware, don�t be naive with social media. Is that the big thing you're seeing right now?

Tonya Stafford

That�s our biggest challenge right now is social media, in recruiting through social media and all the social media outlets Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat.

Lisa Beres

Tinder, all of those dating apps too. Yeah?

Tonya Stafford

They too, are being recruited. They're under age 18 and over I would say everybody can do something. Okay. Nobody is exempt from doing nothing. Yeah, if you suspect report. I don't say go do what my neighbor did, but if you don't want to get directly involved there's organizations just like mine. I want you to volunteer with us and I want you to give to us because we are providing direct services on. Give if you don't want why regularly involved. Sponsor something. We have a gala every year we didn't have it last year because of the pandemic but get involved you can sponsor something you can send some diapers you can mail some diapers, any and everything. There's always a need that can be filled. Find a need and fill it.

Lisa Beres

I love that. Don�t think anything's too small. Because you know, you were a woman who would have easily crammed you and your babies into a tiny little room if someone had opened that up to you. And then right I mean, we're talking about survival. And so yeah, I love that sense. Donate, donate your time, donate your money, prayer. I think that talked about praying.

Tonya Stafford

Um, you we cannot get enough prayers. Oh, those that are still out there for you for the those that we can't find housing for. That's what we're raising money for is more housing because I sent you the screenshot. We rescue all these victims and we don't have anywhere to put them.

Lisa Beres

Okay, so that's still a problem. Okay, well, we need to help with that everybody needs to help everybody go to the RonandLisa.com/Podcast, find this episode. And please, please just do anything you can to help.

Tonya Stafford

Anything and continue to uplift us. Get involved. I love people.

Ron Beres

Oh, that's obvious and we love you to Tonya, great job.

Lisa Beres

We love your bravery. Yes. Big Love coming from California.

Tonya Stafford

Did I did I our other guest join?

Lisa Beres

Oh, that's okay. He had to go. We were in the middle of your story. We didn't want to break the stride. We had a caller, but that's fine.

Ron Beres

Thank you, Tonya, your courage, your bravery, your passion. To take your personal life tragedy and turn it into something so beautiful and inspiring. And once again, we can't say this enough to learn more, or to donate to Tonya's nonprofit, it's going to be okay. Please visit IGTBOK.org so IGTBokay dot org have all the links in the show notes at RonandLisa.com forward slash podcast.

Lisa Beres

And remember friends, through committing to praying for victims, raising awareness, advocating for policy reform and donating to organizations like It�s Going to Be Ok who are combating this injustice, you are playing a direct part in ending modern day slavery today. And we thank you for that.

Ron Beres

Yes,

Tonya Stafford

Indeed. Great.

Lisa Beres

Thank you, Tonya.

Ron Beres

Thank you so much, Tonya. So, see you on next episode, friends, and stay aware and stay safe. Bye, everyone.

Narrator

This episode of the Healthy Home hacks podcast has ended. But be sure to subscribe for more healthy living strategies and tactics to help you create the healthy home you always dreamed of. And don't forget to rate and review so we can continue to bring you the best content. See you on the next episode.